


Bad Ryuk!

by WhiteLadyDragon



Category: Death Note
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-14
Updated: 2013-01-14
Packaged: 2017-11-25 10:29:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/637946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiteLadyDragon/pseuds/WhiteLadyDragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Misa punishes Ryuk for chewing up her all-time favorite book. Not that she should've expected a shinigami like him to understand.</p><p>Disclaimer! All fictional entities from Death Note featured/ mentioned in this segment belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata, with whom I have no affiliation. Twilight is a book that belongs to a series and franchise under the same name; all mentioned fictional entities from it belong to Stephanie Meyer, also with whom I have no affiliation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bad Ryuk!

"Bad Ryuk! Bad, bad, bad!"

All Ryuk could go was stand there and let the pillows, lamps and tea kettle sail through his transparent form while he waited out the ear-mutilating tantrum Misa was throwing for reasons he couldn't quite fathom. Not that Misa would've expected him to understand, but she'd never counted on him to be this stupid. Or was "cruel" the right word? The shinigami could be an odd mix of both.

"How could you do this to me? I was just getting to the good part, too! Bad Ryuk! Bad shinigami! Bad, bad shinigami!"

"You're sure making an awful racket. I don't get it, what's the big deal?" he snickered as he scratched the back of his head, unperturbed by the petulant mantra Misa was chanting as though he were a dog that had just peed where it shouldn't. Not that it would've done her much good, but it was a wonder why she hadn't tried to spank him with a rolled-up newspaper, yet. A newspaper would've been, in the layman's opinion, a far richer and better read than the now half-eaten hunk of pages that lay at Ryuk's feet, soaking in a puddle of shinigami drool.

Misa veered back from the TV with a vase in her trembling hands. Sneering, she jabbed a finger at the ruined copy of Twilight™. "That's the big deal! Are you that stupid?"

Her companion shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe I am, if I don't see what's so interesting about that book? Or maybe you humans just have poor tastes? Frankly, I only picked it up because of the apple on the cover. I thought it was a book about apples. But it wasn't at all."

He grimaced in mild disgust. "For what it's worth, it didn't taste much better than it read."

"Did you even look into what Twilight™ is really about?"

"TL; DR," Ryuk answered with a grin, apparently pleased with himself for having picked up a bit of human Internet slang. "That's what you humans say about boring stuff, right? It wasn't about apples, and that's what matters."

She shouldn't have expected Ryuk to understand. He was just a half-witted god of death, not a vampire or werewolf. He had never been a lonely, misunderstood little girl in spite of all of her popularity who had been left at the mercy of evil and the incompetent arm of the law…until Light (aka, Kira) dropped into her life and saved her from such torturous monotony (and managed to look so radiant and handsome, while he was doing it). Normal people thought he was terrifying, but she intuitively understood him like the back of her hand.

Light was the Edward to her Bella, and their story was an allegory of her life, and the world at large.

But now Misa wouldn't get to see whether Edward would succeed at using his good-vampire powers to rescue Bella from the evil vampires, and that was all because of Ryuk and his half-assed tastes. Well, if Edward was anything at all like Light, he probably did. Still…

She reached up to dry the tears from her eyes, despite knowing that doing so would smear her make-up all the more. It wasn't fair. Between aiding Light in his quest to create a new world and maintaining her modeling and acting career, she barely had any time for herself. Twilight™ had been her respite. Who knew when she could find the time to buy a new copy of her beloved book?

Misa turned on her computer, which had been spared from her wrath, as she fished for the notebook and a pen. Well, if she was going to have to suffer…

…why not have Ryuk share the pain?

"I see that you're already calming down," he observed, paying no mind to the mess all around them that was Misa's room. "See? Now don't you feel silly about throwing a fit over a little book? By the way, have you had the time to buy more apples? I could really use one to wash out this bad taste in my mouth."

Misa didn't even look up from the furious, bleeding scribble of names that spouted from her pen. "No. Misa forgot."

"Huh? Well then, shouldn't you go get them?"

"Misa can't. Misa has to work, now," she answered, her voice clipped for her.

"…Well, when can you get them, then?"

"When Misa finds the time to get a new copy of Twilight™. Misa doesn't think it will kill Ryuk to wait a while." A part of her briefly wished it would kill him. It would torture him enough, but not kill him, and the trick that they had used on Rem would never work on Ryuk.

Oh, if only Rem were still here! She never ate Misa's possessions, when they'd been together.

She simply couldn't help the smirk that poked through her lips when the shinigami began to stammer, "W-wait, so when will that be?"

"Who knows? Misa has so much work to do: oodles of criminals to judge, plus a week's worth of shooting."

"Hey, come on! I know you humans have to make the most of whatever time you have, but c-can't you squeeze it anywhere in that hectic schedule of yours? Do you really want me to start doing handstands everywhere? Come on, Light did this to me once! I don't wanna do it again, if it can be helped!"

Not once did Misa so much as glance over her shoulder to see how Ryuk was taking the news. She didn't care. It wasn't as though she had to watch him undergo his withdrawal symptoms when they started. "Well, you should've considered that before eating Misa's book. Bad Ryuk." The pen was almost ready to snap in her hand. "Team Edward, forever."

"Who's Edward? I thought you were on Light's side?"

Misa refused to dignify that with an answer. It wasn't her fault that Ryuk didn't understand.

END


End file.
